dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.