Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
