Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication