Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
