She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
