kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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