It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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