I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
