My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize