I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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