I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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