I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
