New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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