You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
