is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
