Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
