no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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