ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.