He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...