the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
