How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
