I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
