feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
