Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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