well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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