Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
