There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
