Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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