Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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