If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
