So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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