Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
