god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
