I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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