i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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