hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
