I accidentally burped into my bong.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
