Swine flu. Run for my life!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
