Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
