What did we do last night that was yellow?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
