I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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