Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
