Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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