You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
people are starting to question the shark bite story
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
