She went from zero to smokin in five shots
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
