last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
