Me too!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
