I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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