yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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