At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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