Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
