Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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