If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
