i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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