i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
