How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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