Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
