I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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