I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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