No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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