He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
