WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
