She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
