Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
