don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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