i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
