He uses pillows to masturbate.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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