I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
