and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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